In the last twenty years, my husband and I have had ten permanent addresses. It hardly seems right to call some of them permanent, because we’ve moved so frequently. We’ve lived in five states and often moved to communities where we knew no one.
I’ve gotten very familiar with the loneliness that comes with new surroundings. When all the faces you see are new and you aren’t sure where you fit in, it’s easy to get discouraged and forget that we can take steps to shorten this season of loneliness.
The Church Welcomes You
The universality of the Catholic Church welcomes us wherever we move, something that I’m unendingly grateful for. No matter where we land, the parish church nearby will worship Christ with familiar prayers, songs, motions, and sacraments. When you move frequently, like we have, the church becomes a soothing home when even our house doesn’t feel like home yet. Jesus is always there at church, no matter where we go.
In the secular world where it feels increasingly difficult to make new friends in-person, the parish church gives us frequent opportunities to meet people. Picking up a bulletin after Mass, checking out the parish website, or calling the parish office for newcomer information can all help you find ways to connect with other Catholics in the local community. You can also check out the diocese’s website and research any local retreat houses or charities associated with the Church.
Use Ministry to Fight Loneliness
Getting involved in a parish ministry is a great way to combat loneliness and get a sense of the local environment. Sometimes this means jumping in before you feel fully prepared. During our last move from North Carolina to Florida, we signed up our oldest son for a diocesan vocations retreat before we left our old home! At our first Sunday Mass at our new parish, the pastor advertised their annual altar server training for later that day. So, even though our house was full of boxes, we spent the afternoon at the parish. When we did get back to unpacking, we had renewed energy knowing that we had already started to feel welcomed in our new community.
Get Out of Your Bubble
When overcoming loneliness feels really necessary, you might need to stretch yourself and try new activities. A parish might have all the catechists they need for child faith formation, but maybe they need someone to teach baptism classes or accompany adults coming into the Church. When we’ve moved, I’ve said yes to leading a music ministry for children and running the games at Vacation Bible School. Neither of these activities would have been my first choice, but if you wait for only the volunteer opportunities that you love, you can end up waiting a long time. Sometimes, I look at the parish calendar and our own family calendar and say yes to whatever is available. It’s more important to get involved than to do the thing you feel most qualified to do.
Other parishioners can help you get to know the local geographic area as well. One time a parish office manager helped me find a preschool that was a great fit for our family. Another time, we found out about a great state park because of a conversation over donuts after Mass. And we always get the best recommendations for tacos and a cup of coffee from our fellow Catholics.
Dealing with Unexpected Loneliness
A move isn’t the only cause of loneliness or even the most common. Many people struggle with loneliness because of a change in life circumstances. During a break-up, after a new baby, or when we’re empty-nesters for the first time, we can suddenly face loneliness we didn’t expect. In the midst of this, it can be hard to exert ourselves to socialize with others, but that effort often helps us regain the sense of human connection with overcomes our isolation.
Look around at your local parish with fresh eyes and try something you might have said no to before. In a very lonely season of my life, I signed up for a Bible study with a group of parishioners who were all much older than myself. Their friendship, week after week, gave me a safe harbor of support and encouragement when I needed it most. But I would have missed out on it if I hadn’t stretched myself to try something new.
The gift of our Catholic Church in the midst of an increasingly isolated world cannot be overstated. The friendly handshake of a priest at the end of Mass in a new city reminds me that I can defeat loneliness like nothing else I’ve found. Handling discomfort, trying new ministries, and saying yes before you feel ready can all go a long way to making connections and feeling at home in your church after a move.
